Santa Letters: Part Two

5 years ago

As the Oilers take a brief break to celebrate the holidays I’m still here grinding away with another round of letters to Santa.

I’m actually writing this piece from the centre of the hockey universe, Florida. Ok, I lied, I’m at an airport lounge in Toronto but there are more people in this pub than at a Panthers game.

In our first set of letters to Santa, we focused on the forwards. I see Lucic still hasn’t scored that goal he asked for. Today I’ll give you a look at what the Oilers goaltenders and d-men are hoping to get from Santa this year.

CAM TALBOT:

Dear Santa,

Hey man, just looking for a little bit of fai%%^*HSDBBIUDBhdcoinsci8348#($* ….sorry about that my twins got a hold of the keyboard. As I was saying I’m just hoping to get a little bit of faith for Christmas this year. I know I haven’t been as good of a boy as I usually am but I hope the fans here in Edmonton can still believe in me. Also, diapers, the kids always need diapers.

Thanks, Cam

MIKKO KOSKINEN:

Rakas Joulupukki!

Canada has been good to me big fella. Remember last year when I asked you for an NHL contract with a no-movement clause and you told me that would never happen. Who’s laughing now! This year I’m asking for a three-year contract worth a total of 12 million dollars. Are you going to believe in me?

Thanks, The Big Lekoski

OSCAR KLEFBOM:

god Jul!

Well, it’s pretty much the same as every other year Santa. I always ask for two things. The first is for a clean bill of health. I once again find myself injured and I’m hoping once I return in 2019 I can remain in the line up for the rest of the calendar year. You haven’t really been able to deliver on the health issue yet but you always come through on my second request. I’m once again hoping to get a three-litre pail of oil for my finely sculpted abs.

Tack, Oscar Klefbom

ADAM LARSSON:

god Jul!

Let me start by saying if Klef asked for more ab oil please just ignore the request. The guy has pails of the stuff; he doesn’t need any more. I’m pretty happy right now; the Devils are awful again this year so people aren’t talking about the trade as much any more. I guess if I had to ask for one thing it’d be a gift certificate to Ikea, I could use it for a new Nissedal or a Hemnes or a Karmsund.

Tack, Adam Larsson

DARNELL NURSE:

S’up Santa!

I’d just like another year of physical combat training, for all the ass kickings.

Thanks, Darnell

KRIS RUSSELL:

Howdy Santa!

A Lammle’s Gift certificate will usually suffice but if you were feeling extra generous this year I’d gladly take Massey Ferguson 4610 High Clearance Tractor.

The Cowboy, Kris Russell (My dad was a cowboy too)

KEVIN GRAVEL:

Hi Mr. Claus!

To be honest with you I’ve had success this year by not really doing anything to be noticed so if you wouldn’t mind please just ignore me this year.

Appreciated, Kevin

MATT BENNING:

Hey Santa!

I’m not sure if you can somehow wrap consistency and put it under the tree but if you can I’ll take it!

Please, Matty

CHRIS WIDEMAN:

Hey Santa!

You may not be aware of this but I’m not in Ottawa anymore. I’m now in Edmonton. I’d like a chance for Christmas this year. I feel like I can do some good things offensively but I went too wide against Kopitar in my first game here and I’m still trying to recover from it.

Now in Edmonton, Chris

ANDREJ SEKERA:

Drahy Santa!

Remember me! Andrej Sekera!!! This is asking a lot but if you could hook me up with an entirely new lower half of my body that’d be terrific.

See You Soon, Reggie

MERRY CHRISTMAS

I just wanted to wrap up by saying Merry Christmas to all of you who have taken the time to read my stuff since I started with the Nation earlier this year. I’ve never been much of a writer but I have enjoyed my time here so far.

You may not see much from me over the holidays as I’ll be in Davos calling the Spengler Cup but if I can find the time I’ll write a piece on the former Oilers playing in the event. Tom Gilbert, Martin Gernat, David Musil, Ilro Pakarinen, Adam Cracknell and Will Acton will be playing the event and before you ask, no, Acton’s dad is not his coach.

Merry Christmas.