First Star, Worst Star: March 27th, 2016

Happy Easter everyone! I hope you’re all deep in the throws of a chocolate and turkey (and booze) induced coma, and that all your resurrection based wishes came true! And if not, well then here’s this weeks First Star, Worst Star to help make it up to you. 

I know I usually talk about hockey here, but hey, this is my post! And if you have a problem with it then get one of your friends to start a website and then hire you to work there years later then YOU write about whatever the hell you want!

But now let’s take a little peak into the world of lacrosse, shall we?

*Jim Ross voice* “GOOD GOD THEY’VE KILLED HIM! AS GOD IS MY WITNESS HE’S BROKEN IN HALF!“

That was CRAZY! Can you imagine seeing Henrik Lundqvist do that to, say, Wayne Simmonds in a playoff game? We’d lose our damn minds!

Now I won’t even pretend to understand the rules of lacrosse (and from what little I’ve seen I’m pretty sure there are no rules) but that has to be a penalty of some kind, yes? An elbow maybe? At least a charging penalty! Either way that guy will think twice next time he decides to get open for a breakaway! 

This could easily be my First Star as well, but man, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU VANCOUVER?? 

We’re two weeks removed from head coach Willie Desjardins saying the Canucks were still battling for a playoff spot, and as of right now they’re tied with the Oilers for second worst in the entire NHL! (And I should mention the Oilers have THREE MORE WINS than the Canucks. Thanks Gary!)

I don’t blame Desjardins for saying this by the way. He’s supposed to be the one leading the ship and if he had said anything else he would have gotten roasted for abandoning his team or something. But MAN, they have really fallen down an elevator shaft! Since this amazing quote the Canucks have lost EIGHT IN A ROW, and at one point during that span they went goalless four out of five games! Even the Oilers haven’t gone through a stretch on ineptitude THAT bad! 

The AHL Leafs are surging, the Oilers are still treading water by Oiler standards, and so at this point there is a legitimate chance the Canucks finish dead last in the NHL by the time the season is over. This is the same team that finished with 101 points last year and challenged for the Pacific Division title! That is an astonishing fall from grace. And with Jim Benning and Trevor Linden running the show I have a strong feeling that things are only going to get worse for the foreseeable future. As an Oiler fan I CAN’T WAIT! 

The only negative is there’s now a distinct possibility that the Canucks fall their way right into the lap of Austin Matthews, and while that would mean all our dreams come true this summer and the Leafs are left at the alter, it would be a whole different nightmare. So please Vancouver, get your shit together and win, like, I don’t know, TWO games before the end of the season? Just enough to keep you from drafting in the top three. After that I have plenty of faith in my boy Jim to go off the board and use the number 6 pick to take a flyer on some Lithuanian high school kid who is great at killing penalties. He’s going to be great, just wait and see!