First Star, Worst Star: Once Again.

You know, I held off on posting this earlier, because I didn’t want to take any attention off of the game day, but man. The only thing that could have made this game any more boring would have been if two 80 year old men had called the play by play. But Bob Cole and Harry Neal had to retire sometime right?

First Star
First Star goes out to Mike Fisher. I’m going to let you guys in on a little secret; I’ve had a bit of a man-crush on Mike Fisher for a while. Pretty much since Ottawa made a run to the finals that one year. He’s a solid player. He scores goals, bang’s and crashes, and god damn is he good looking. Compound that with the fact that he’s defied some kind of celebrity odds and gotten himself into somewhat low key by celebrity standards relationship with Carrie Underwood. Man, I would do some unspeakable things to get a shot at Carrie Underwood. Wouldn’t it be awesome if they got married and she called herself Carrie Fisher? HAHAHAHAHA! Fisher bagged himself 6 points and a plus 5 rating over the last three games, and he’s been leading the charge for a somewhat suprisingly lackluster Ottawa team. He’s no Dany D-bag but he’s at least picking up some of the slack. Unlike some other people on the team *stares daggers through Jason "1 shot on goal in 600 games" Spezza* I remember a few years ago there were rumors that the Sens were looking to unload him somewhere, and all I could think about was how awesome he would look suiting up for the copper and blue. I’m going to continue to eat my vegetables and say my prayers in hopes that one day my wish will finally come true. High five Mike Fisher!

I know I’m way behind on this one, but it’s a weekly column, so shut up. Worst Star to Denis LaRue and anyone ever invovled with the "War Room" in Toronto. I’m going to steal a bit from Seth Myers and Amy Pohler A La Weekend Update;
Really Denis LaRue? You can’t see the puck, wedge halfway between the goal line and the net cam? Well that’s fine, it’s not like refs are supposed to be in position to see the puck go in the net anyway. And you had the intent to blow the whistle? REALLY? When? When Brad May was following through with his backhand? Did you figure you would stop the game for no reason just to make things more interesting? Is this the first time you’ve ever reffed, scratch that, is this the first time you’ve ever seen a hockey game? You just didn’t quite understand the rules? Really?

I’m willing to cut LaRue a tiny bit of slack, since ref’s already have a horrible track record to begin with, but the Toronto video replay room? REALLLLLLYYYYYY???? There are 900 cameras focused on the net and you still couldn’t clearly see the puck going into the net well before LaRue had even started to put the whistle up to his mouth? The damn goalie fishes the puck out of the net!!!! REALLY! He does! What is the point of having all these dudes sitting in a room if they can’t even make the simplest call ever? They’re trying to play it off by claiming that the puck crossed the line 1.6 seconds before the whistle blew but it’s clear as friggin day that it was in the net for way closer to 3 seconds. I always knew it was a mistake to take the video replay judge out of the arena. This call clearly would have been corrected if there was a fear of bodily harm while walking to ones car. Detroit isn’t the friendliest city on it’s best night. Denis LaRue must have naked photos of whoever is in charge of making sure goals are allowed or disallowed because there is no way in hell I believe that anyone in their right mind thinks this is the right call. Every year it seems the reffing get’s worse, especially with the advent of all these garbage rules, but what kind of craptacular lows are we about to hit if the technology that has been installed to counteract human error is making glaringly obvious mistakes?

Yet another hilariously farcical contradiction coming from a league who supposedly wants to increase scoring, yet dissallows a clear goal because the ref thought about blowing the whistle at one point or another during the course of the game. This "intent to blow the whistle" thing is laughable at best. Should players stop playing whistle to whistle now, since it’s pretty clear that regardless of what happens, if the ref had thought about blowing the play dead, it’s considered dead? I should probably stop now because I could go on forever. Shame on you War Room. For Shame. 

Comment Of The Week
Just like the Miss Universe pageant I’m going to announce the first runner-up. I couldn’t not put this one up, considering Gene Principe must have been rolling in his grave over the fact that he didn’t get to bust out this gem on TV. And you know he would have.

And now, for the actual quote of the week, not the loser quote. I still get a chubby reading this. Well done sir.

Quinn to the leadership of the Oilers in the meeting this week,

"So guys, we’re not winning, what are we going to do about that?"

Moreau "Take penalties?"

"Nope"

*Souray poses down and makes fearsome grunting noise*

"That could help…."

Horcoff "Skate really hard but wiff on one timers?"

"Uh Nope"

Khabibulin "ˆøˆ˙¶©¨¥√©˙ç"

"Not sure what you just said Khabbi but I am going with no"

Staios " Push our own players into Khabbi?"

Khabibulin " *&%#$% oyu Staios"

Penner " Score more goals than the other team"

*Quinn sheds a single tear*

"There is hope here yet"

Seriously you guys have to step your comedy game up because Librarian Mike is putting up big numbers, while the rest of you sit idly by and do nothing! Pick it up!

And finally, to steal a little schtick from Gregor, here’s a hot girl on a zamboni!