Fletcher speaks, people laugh

Cliff Fletcher, GM of the Maple Leafs and the oldest man on Earth, recently told Sportsnet that he’s happy with his roster as they head into the 2008–09 season. Cliff Fletcher saying he’s happy with the Leafs is like the Captain of the Titanic saying “I know we just hit an iceberg, but I’m confident that the violin players we have on board will guide us to safety.”

It just doesn’t make sense.

“The keyword for the Maple Leafs management and coaching is going to be patience,” said the 109-year-old Fletcher. “You can’t force things to happen—you have to let them unfold and happen at their own pace.”

We can speed things up for you, Cliff, ‘cause we know time is of the essence—you may not have a lot left. Toskala and Cujo are going to be brutal. Bryan MacCabe will leave at the end of a bayonet, and sadly there will be no one to replace him. The “signings” that you made in the off-season—Finger and Frogen—aren’t going to amount to anything.

Things will happen at their own pace. Just like the Titanic, the Leafs will go straight to the bottom and there you shall rest.