SRSLY WTF: III
By Wanye
13 years ago
Look at this dude. A fine crop of squash, a fit looking cat and a high powered rifle. Clearly this is a man who is dangerous at all times, unlike our beloved Oilers who have managed a grand sum of 2 shots during the past two 3rd periods of ice hockey.
The Oilers are 8th in the NHL for third period scoring with 31 tallies in the final frame. This puts them ahead of such fine squads as Pittsburgh (29) Dallas (24) and Anaheim (30) and ties them with the Red Wings of the Motor City. On the surface one could say "all sorts of problems with the Oil this year – but the third period ain’t one of them."
And yet there are the statistics – a single shot in the third against the Canucks and again the same against the Bolts on Friday night. And yet they win the first game in a shootout and only lose the second game by a score of 2-1.
WTF?
If being outshout 31-2 in the third period during the last two games doesn’t raise some sort of alarm at Oilers HQ we don’t know what will.
Yikes.
OBOYOBOYOBOY
According to the Oilers website, the cheerleaders arrive at RX1 against the Maple Leafs on Tuesday.
"When the Oilers take on the Toronto Maple Leafs at Rexall Place, fans at that game will have the first opportunity to meet the newly created Oilers Cheer Team. As part of their debut performance, the Cheer Team will perform in-game, interact with fans on the concourse and help with the in-game promotions throughout the evening. In addition the Cheer Team name will be announced and their website will go live to fans across the world."
This is going to go down as one of the finest moments in the life of Lord Baron von Wanye von Gretz IV LLP MBA . Imagine this? 19 girls aged 18-29 that are legally obligated to interact with fans on the concourse level of RX1?
Color us stalker red, we are going to arrive at the game hours in advance, dressed in the finest tuxedo that money can rent.
19 bouquets of roses, 19 bottles of entry priced champagne and a full body wax shouldn’t cost us more than a few hundred bucks. A small price to pay to mingle with a bevy of ladies who are obligated – by the charter constitution of the Edmonton Oilers mind you – to stop and say hello for a few minutes.
A few minutes is all we need to shower them with praise and gifts and line up a date later that evening to listen to the dulcet sounds of Willow Smith and enjoy a guided tour of our kick ass sword collection.
Yep, Christmas has come early at Wanye Manor. Goodbye lavalife account. Goodbye fake profile on plentyoffish. Goodbye questions at family events like "when are you bringing a lady with you Wanye?"
It is all resolved Tuesday against the Leafs.
If you have tips to pick up cheerleaders leave them in the comments below. Not that we will need any help mind you, but just to see what other strategies might work in the event we are looking to date several cheerleaders simultaneously.
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