It’s the damndest thing when the Oil fall so far that they can’t even muster up a win against their old SCF’06 opposition. Will this team ever win again? Will there ever be – er what? (whispers in his ear) They what? THEY WON?!?

*insert shocked silence here*

Well, then. Ahem. We have to gather our wits a moment and think of what to say.

Here, watch the UCLA Jerk Kings celebrate on our behalf while we compose ourselves:

When it comes to beating the Carolina Hurricanes, we can’t think of a more important game for the Oilers to have won against them in the past 6 years. Yep, you don’t run into the Canes all that often, but if we were making deals with the Gods of Ice Hockey we would totally pick winning a game in Early February 2010 that kept the Oil firmly in 30th place in the league instead of say – Game 7 of the 2006 Stanley Cup finals.

Damn you Oilers – damn you to the eternal fires of hell for your mis-game pickery.

*kicks nearby stone and remembers when THAT happened*

One of our favourite things right now in the Nation is the fear that if the Oilers win a couple games here and there, or make a trade to improve the team, that they might detonate their chances of finishing last and then getting first pick in the draft.

One such comment was made last night in the post game Ghost riding of the whips:

Now first and foremost Bandwagon jumper, it would take a .850 winning streak for the remainder of the season and well into December of the 2010-11 season for the Oilers to climb into 24th place.

How dare you even raise our hopes with the possibility of:

a) stringing a few wins together or

b) that we could be witnessing 24th place hockey round these parts.

Shame on you Sir/Madam! Now look, you have gotten everyone all excited and junk.

In all seriousness Nation, what we have here is a case of Stockholm syndrome. We are identifying with our captors and “hostages (the OilersNation in this case) express adulation and have positive feelings towards their captors that appear irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims.” Is that what you want Nation?

Do you want to have irrational feelings towards the Oilers thinking we aren’t deserving of some “not last place hockey” down the stretch? Great Fists of Semenko people! We for one would want to watch some friggin wins thank you very much, risks of the odds of closing the gap to 29th in the league be damned.

We would also like the Oil to make a few deals and maybe take an outside shot at improving this Shitanusly ® Brutal squad so that the next playoff series we witness isn’t sitting in the arena that they will build AFTER this next one Kay-Z is planning. Cheering that the Oilers don’t win. PFFT They will handle the losing for us all. Don’t you even stress if they are able to snag a third win in the past 20 games, it won’t ruin things. They still sit 5 points back of 29th – don’t even trip.

Imagine what would happen if the Oil do finish last and lose the lottery? Oh man, that would be the poison icing on the bitter cake we have all been forced to eat since one that other time the Oil met the Canes.

In this wonderous spirit of giving that has fallen upon the OilersNation we would like to take a short moment and welcome a new contributor to the Nation Family of Websites and Body Hair Removal Clinics® Down there in Calgary, we have been fortunate enough to trick Pat Steinberg of the Fan 960 into writing for the FlamesNation in addition to his duties as the post game host for the Calgary Flames.

Some of you may have heard Steinberg on Gregor’s show yesterday, remaining positive in spite of the fact that the Flames had just traded a future Norris Trophy winner for a bunch of random junk players and an old Doug Gilmour Leafs Jersey. That’s just how they roll down there in Calgary we guess, tricked into parting with a superstar every 19 years or so. On the plus side they have gotten rid of one of the ugliest Flames in recent memory with the departure of Olli Jokinen so we suppose it wasn’t all bad on the whole.

Going forward you can think of Steinberg as the Jason Gregor of the FlamesNation. Connected up the wazoo, wielding that team access we all want but will never have and with a radio show all of his own where he will be pimpin’ out the FlamesNation 24/7/364.

Cause no one works on Christmas, not even Pat Steinberg.

Welcome aboard Pat – may the Flames never win again.