Thinkin n drinkin

First of all, we don’t respect MacT. We respect the Alien King that inhabits the body of MacT. We salute you heartily, King Zangatan, and we look forward to the day you burst free from your host and bring forth an ordered new day for the inhabitants of Earth.

“Oh Wanye. You don’t really think no alien king embodies no Coach MacTavish.” Oh really? No non-parasitic alien hosting person would be able to as effectively guide a team to a shitanusly® mediocre start as MacTavish has done so far this year. Would an Earthling suit a defenceman up as a forward against the best team in the league like our Commander is tonight?

First we did a little thinkin’. Some folk can have a bad year and then bounce back the next. It happens all the time. Other people can have a bad year and follow it up with a worse year. Happens all the time too. All that thinkin’ made us thirsty so we helped ourselves to another lunch time beer. Then we finished the job and found the following. It’s as good as any indicator stat—and proves a point.

Question: Which Oilers are playing above or below last years point per game levels?

Souray—up 0.39 PPG
Smid—up 0.19 PPG
Grebeshkov—up 0.18 PPG
Moreau—up 0.17 PPG
Strudwick—up 0.15 PPG
Gilbert—up 0.12 PPG
Hemsky—up 0.09 PPG
Visnkovsky—up 0.03 PPG

Cole—down 0.38 PPG
Horcoff—down 0.36 PPG
Gagner—down 0.34 PPG
Penner—down 0.28 PPG
Nilsson—down 0.26 PPG
Brodziak—down 0.22 PPG
Stortini—down 0.18 PPG
Cogliano—down 0.13 PPG
Pouliot—down 0.08 PPG
Staios—down 0.08 PPG
Pisani—down 0.02 PPG

It’s comforting to know that Jason Strudwick is getting more points this season and that Smid is on pace to shatter the four points he collected last year. It’s slightly more—oh what’s the word here—TERRIFYING to read the who’s who list of players that are substantially behind the pace they set last season.

One would hope that at almost the quarter point of the season the bulk of the players on the team would be doing better than they did last year, especially considering the Oil missed the playoffs. To see the bulk of the top two lines sitting in the “crappier thanst before” category makes our eyes water slightly. Good coaches bring the best out of players. It’s that simple, really.

We don’t personally have a hate on for MacT. We just like winning and Cup runs. We hate going and getting liquored up in the hopes of a drunken riot on Whyte Avenue only to see the team lose needlessly. We don’t really care who’s in charge. If it meant home-ice advantage in the first round, the Oil could name Ayman al-Zawahiri Coach GM and Director of Marketing for all we care.

Don’t think we have forgotten about our First Annual Wanye Gretz Draft to Waste Time At Work (FAWGDTWTAW™). Two dudes have the damn thing basically in a choke hold: the Pocket Rocket and French Pro League Cast off.

By the moustache of Parros, how are these guys holding us all ransom despite having used barely any trades? We know that MSG must be super pissed about the beat down his brother is handing him—and the fact we are also beating him. Where’s all them smarts at, Nation?

It’s time we focus our brain on this thing. We can’t be doing this bad, we promised Grandma we’d win.