Um, what?

 

Sitting here in our underwear watching nothing but Sportsnet and the occasional Tila Tequila clip, we are amazed at the loot being thrown at players in the past 48 of your Earth hours. We could swear that we lost a season a few years back to implement a salary cap, but that doesn’t seem to have stopped fools and their money.

Consider if you will the following defenseman:

Joni “Pussy Willow” Pitkanen signs with the Hurricanes for $12 million over three years. OK, fine. He could be a Norris candidate one year, so one could argue that he earned it.  We thought he wanted $5 million a year. What happened to that? Perhaps he was injured in the Salary Negotiations and lost his drive.

Ron “Who?” Hainsley scored himself $4.5 million on average per year over 5 years. So back to back seasons in the NHL nets you that kind of loot now? Hmm. Interesting move Waddell.

Brooks “No nickname required” Orpik averages $3.75 million over 6 years? Sweet merciful pudding, that ain’t cheap either. Yes yes, solid physical defenseman. But that kind of loot?

Brian “Naomi” Campbell $7.1 million a year till 2016? He may be a good defenseman but do you know how old Brian Campbell is in 2016? 76 years old! Well, that’s the least of the Hawks’ problems, with $12.4 million in goal and nary a good tender on the roster.

Oh yeah and of course Jeff Finger. $14 million over 4 years. For one year in the league. We would laugh if it was funny. Oh wait it is. Ha ha ha.

Perhaps people are right. And by people we mean you. And by you, we mean Robin Brownlee. And by Robin Brownlee we mean a magic eight ball. This is crazy talk.

It’s a good thing that Daryl “Kay-Z” Katz invented both illness and medicine and has money to burn.