Wanye Gretz’s Playoff Analysis™ Round One: SJ vs CGY

We predicted San Jose would win in six games and got chirped by something called a “flame-on-oil.” So in the absence of having any real work to do, here’s why that’s going to occur in short order.

First off, here’s a graph in Spanish that shows how bad the Flames really are. You can see that over time they were briefly decent in 1988 and again in 2004. But not that good, as the y-axis indicates.

Because they always lose in the second round of the playoffs. Not the first. Since the 1999–00 season the Sharks have made the playoffs six out of seven years (we can’t help wonder what that would be like). Of those six playoff years, they’ve advanced to the second round five times. If you’re planning on beating the Sharks, you have to play them in the second round. They have a combined record of 10–20 in the second round since 1999–00, winning only once against the Avs in 2004. But in the first round, they have a pretty decent record of advancing.

You know the eternal debate between Flames Fans and Oilers fans where Oilers fans say “Calgary only has one Cup, the Oilers have five”? You know how most Flames Fans then tell you to “stop living in the past blah blah blah”?

Well here’s a little secret from your old pal Wanye that you can use the next time they start with that: the Flames have been to the second round of the playoffs ONCE in the past 15 years. Yup. Once since 1992–93. The Oilers have advanced three times as often since then.

Oh, and the Flames will also lose because they are out-gunned, out-manned and WAAAAAAY out-coached by San Jose.

Harvey the Hound scares small children. Is that inspirational? No.

Sharkie dated Christina Aguilera for a short time in the mid-‘90s and rolls with celebrities. Having been detongued by MacT, Harvey would have little to offer X-Tina.

Mascot Advantage: Sharks.

So there you have it. Proof positive the Flames won’t beat the Sharks in Round One.