Wanye Gretz Playoff Predictions™: Round Two—The West

 

Let’s look back in time and see what we predicted for Round One:

Now to the naked eye, it would seem that we were 2–2 in our Western Conference Predictions. However, we have to say that we’re so happy that we were wrong about Anaheim winning that we’re awarding ourselves another point for being wrong. That’s right. A loss for Pronger is a win for the world, so one bonus point is added.

So we are 3–1 in the West. Not too shabby—oh, and eat it Pronger.

What of Round Two, you say? An excellent question.

Now the hockey geniuses at TSN will try and tell you that this is a big-time match-up from the good ol’ days when Kris Draper used to have his face regularly rearranged by Claude Lemieux and Patrick Roy would get in more fights than a redneck attending the marriage of his son to his daughter.

BALDERDASH. It ain’t true.

Kris Draper is now 104 years old, and won’t be hurting anyone. Claude Lemieux now pumps gas in Wisconsin, and won’t be providing any drama.

And the words “I’m Valtteri Filppula and I’m going to gingerly skate by you” are about as physical as this series is going to get. Nonetheless, even without any fireworks, the Avs are sunk. Theodore is too crappy, and is anxious to return to Quebec in the off-season to party with Hells Angels.

Sorry Smytty, but the Wings win in 6.

Remember back to the analysis of the Flames and the Sharks? The Sharks won because they always lose in the second round, not the first. Well it’s the second round now and by our watch this is when the Sharks usually check out of things. They have advanced to the second round in five of the last seven years, and have made it to the Conference Finals only once.

Beating the Sharks in the second round is like buying Paris Hilton a drink in a bar—it’s a sure thing. Sporting a second round record of 10–20, the Sharks aren’t beating the Stars this year. Not with the likes of Stars D-man Brandon Crombeen and RW Mark Fistric leading the pack. No sir. This will be a bang-up showdown of two titans… oh screw it.

Dallas in 6