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Why you should hate the LA Kings

alt
baggedmilk
11 months ago
I don’t think anyone reading this article needs reasons to hate the Los Angeles Kings, but with the first round rematch set to kick off in a few short hours, I figured everyone could use a refresher on what’s going on here. And since we’ve only got a couple of days left to rekindle this rivalry, I think we can all use a few more ideas to inspire our LA-based hatred.

MIKEY ANDERSON

This one is pretty self-explanatory, no? I mean, we all remember how he horse-collared Leon Draisaitl in the first round of last year’s playoffs, essentially hobbling Leon for the rest of the postseason, and that makes me nervous about what else he’s got in store for us in round two. Clearly, this is a player that doesn’t care who he hurts if it means giving his team even the smallest advantage, and that’s the kind of wildcard character that will surely go out of his way to ruffle some feathers as we go along here. Besides, a grown man that still calls himself Mikey? It’s offputting.

A KINGS FAN THREW A BEER AT ME

Last year, Jay, Tyler, and I went down to LA to cover the first round of the playoffs for the Nation while also having a little bit of fun while we were at it. If you remember, during Game 3, the Oilers absolutely ran the show on the Kings and beat up on them pretty badly in what was a very lopsided affair. As a result, every Oilers fan in the building was having the best time you can imagine, including the three of us who were looking for other Edmonton fans to celebrate with in other sections. Well, as it turns out, one particular Kings fan didn’t appreciate that we were having fun in their barn and the result was launching at full ($20 USD) beer at your boy’s head, which connected with me but only in a passing blow. Fortunately, I wasn’t hurt in any way, but the poor woman behind me wore the entire beer that ended up blowing up all over her, and if soaking an elderly woman with a beer that wasn’t intended for her isn’t reason enough to hate Kings fans then I don’t know what is.

KINGS FANS MAY JUST BE ANNOYING

If you cruise through the LA Kings subreddit, it won’t be long until you find a post or a commenter that is hoping for someone on the Kings to go headhunting for someone on our side. I know it’s fun to chirp each other in the playoffs and that trash talk is part of the festivities, but hoping for your opponents to get hurt with the frequency they are is lame no matter how you slice it. Maybe it’s just because they’re nervous — Gord knows the tone in that subreddit is unhinged anytime the word Oilers comes out — but I think it’s weird to be cheering for injuries regardless of the situation.

SHOWING UP YOUR EX

Listen, I’ll always have love for Todd McLellan. Not only was he the head coach to bring us into the playoffs after the Decade of Darkness, but he also refused to play Evan Bouchard in his draft+1 season, which essentially kept him safe from the expansion draft while also extending team control for another year. Those are two massive green flags that I still have beside his name in my own personal Oilers coaching history, and I hope Todd knows that I still remember these things. That said, and I’m telling you this with peace and love, I will absolutely enjoy his demise. Despite the leftover fondness I have for our former friend and current haircut enthusiast, this is a situation that reminds me of dealing with an ex-girlfriend in the sense that you always want to see them do well, but maybe not that well. With that in mind, I can think of no better way to exact revenge over an ex that’s trying to look all cute than by coming up with a big series win to show ’em where the bear shits.

THE CHROME HELMETS ARE HORRIFIC

I made fun of this last year and I’m going to do it again right now because I don’t know who thought the chrome space buckets were a good idea or why anyone thought we would want to see them, but they look ridiculous. I know Los Angeles is known for glitz and glamour, but these chrome domes are completely preposterous and make the players look like a broken Newton’s Cradle. I don’t even know what else needs to be said apart from just pointing at the picture above, ya know? I mean, if the Oilers were wearing space domes like this I would honestly be embarrassed for them, and that is certainly the way I feel for whoever thought these buckets would be a good idea.

CARTMAN DOESN’T MAKE SENSE

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Even after being there last year in the playoffs, I still cannot understand why the Kings have Eric Cartman on their big screen to rouse the crowd at the Crypto.com Arena. As someone that started watching South Park back in 1997, I’m incredibly confused why this boy from small town Colorado is hyping up the Kings fans that are likely confused about why the Lakers aren’t playing. Why is he there? Are Kings fans so bored that they need really Cartman to tell them when to get excited? Shouldn’t Cartman be cheering for the Avalanche? Yes, I understand that the South Park Studios are in the Los Angeles area, but it still DOES NOT MAKE A LICK OF SENSE TO ME.

THEY STOLE THEIR LOGO FROM CHEVROLET

Are we really going to pretend like the OG Kings logo isn’t a direct rip-off of the Chevy logo? Even without the LA Kings text on there, you can see it, right? Of course you can.

DREW DOUGHTY

Listen, I have a lot of respect for Drew Doughty. The guy came into the league as a teenager and has maintained his place as one of the NHL’s top defencemen for over a decade, and that doesn’t happen by winning on a scratch ticket. For years, this guy played on LA Kings teams that did whatever they wanted against the Oilers, and now that the tables are turning a little bit, I hope the guy doesn’t think we forgot about all of the trash talk, chippy plays, and taking runs at our stars. While I certainly respect the career this guy has had and everything he’s done for Team Canada, for the next two weeks, I will be actively cheering against this man.

THE DUSTIN BROWN STATUE

There’s no real reason why we would hate the Kings for the horrible Dustin Brown statue they built for whatever reason they’ve justified in their own minds — I actually think it’s pretty funny tbh — but I wanted to include it here anyway. Frankly, I’m pretty sure they made this statue to look like some other guy named Dustin Brown because it doesn’t look anything like the dude that played for their franchise.

THE PLAYOFF WATCH PARTIES

Want to join us for a playoff watch party? We’ll be at Greta for every away game during the playoffs! Book your table today.

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