Solace is found in mockery… of the Leafs


We’re grateful for many things: the inattentive staff at the local liquor store when we were underage and buying booze for one… And the fact that we don’t live in Toronto and cheer for the Leafs. Yes yes, we know. There are plenty of good people in Toronto.

Yup, and guaranteed at some point they lived west of Moose Jaw, or were raised by Western parents who were determined not to have their kids lose their sense of Western Decency to Torontonian Douchebaggery.

But we’re getting side tracked here. Here’s what’s crackin’ in the T-Dot these days:

  1. They are a terrible team. Like, 2nd-last-in-the-East bad.
  2. They’ve just fired their GM and brought Cliff Fletcher’s mummified corpse back from heavens knows where to lead the team while they try and find anyone willing to take this ship to the bottom of the ocean.
  3. Scotty Bowman basically told them to pound sand when they asked him to be their GM.
  4. Brian Burke basically told them to pound sand when they asked him to be their GM.
  5. They are considering trading Captain Mats Sundin, which can only spell a long, long road to rebuilding what they had last year, which was basically a bad team.
  6. They are owned by a Teachers Pension Fund. Honestly, can there be anything less ballin’ than a pension fund owning your team?

What are their players doing while this is all going on? Oh, let’s see here: rookie Jiri Tlusty is busy trying to pickup girls online by sending out naked pictures of himself and getting busted ny the media. When he grew tired of that, he was photographed licking Thomas Kaberle (pictured above, from the Toronto Sun).

If Cliff Fletcher wasn’t too busy trying to figure out how he was tricked out of leaving the early-bird buffet in Boca Raton, Florida he would do something about it, but that ain’t happening. He’s still trying to figure out what stall Doug Gilmour sits in, and how Wendel Clark can somehow figure into a Leafs resurgence.

Like we said, at least we aren’t the Leafs.