Witness the glory that is Alexander Ovechkin’s new crib in Washington.

It would seem that Ovi-Wan lives with his brother, and that they haven’t heard of furniture, art or really much beyond “Let’s buy a massive house and figure the rest out later.” With his massive, new 13-year contract, we expect the furniture situation will be quickly resolved.

Our favourite part in the piece is when he gives this hilarious quote: “My brother want big American Party. So … we buy house for party.”

Makes perfect sense to us.

Are you taking notes, Sam Gagner? This is how you ball when you sign the deal coming your way.