A tale of two Davids

FMNF – Today we want to discuss a pair of Davids.

David #1 – That kid in the movie

With mad respect to our boys at JSBM who found this clip (and probably invented it for all we know) please take a moment to examine the video above. How do you think this David feels? From the looks of him – pretty damn awesome. We have a buddy who pays good money to get that messed up on a regular basis. Good for them both.

David #2 – That guy from the Journal

Now that we have all viewed that fine YouTube clip,  let’s talk about another David: David Staples. How do you think he is feeling today? Probably not as good as David #1 for two reasons. First, he isn’t stoned on laughing gas. That tends to damper one’s mood. Secondly he probably isn’t feeling 100/100 due to the backlash certain folk kicked up on his site yesterday when he reported about JJ possibly coming to visit.

Now we can only assume that the Edmonton Journal website gets 1,458,499 hits per hour regardless of breaking Jaromir Jagr news. So it’s clear that David Staples didn’t write this news to get some brief traffic surge as the collective OilersNation Eye of Sauron™ focused squarely on his story for the bulk of the day.

Instead Mr. Staples wrote this article for the same reason we wrote that article about our pending three way with the Olsen Twins:

We both believe our stories to be true.

He didn’t exactly say that Jagr was already shopping for a condominium in Castledowns and is looking into an annual pass at the Muttart Conservatory now did he? No. Staples said that there is possibility something could occur. There is a big difference. Personally when we read about it we almost did a backflip in our chair. But we have wicked backflip skills so that sort of thing happens all the time.

But sweet Suri Cruise did other people start tripping balls on the guy for having the audacity to report a potential signing of Jaromir Jagr by the local shitanusly mediocre hockey club. Yes, what a jerk he is to give us all the thrill of having something positive to discuss again. These sorts of comments are completely appropriate:

bush league reporting my friend
February 10, 2009 2:25 PM

Man, blogging rumors is so damn easy. Just ask Eklund. And apparently Staples.
February 10, 2009 2:32 PM

Fact #1: We like David Staples so all you haters can fuck off

When everyone else was showing our little website absolutely no love, David Staples wrote an article about us. When we were able to Jedi Mind trick Jonathan Willis into joining our merry band of Gypsies, David Staples wrote about us too. David Staples writing about things that are a bit off the beaten path led a great many of you to find the Nation and helped ignite our white hot love affair with one another. No David Staples, no OilersNation. Believe that.

Fact #2: David Staples is a rarity -– particularly in the North.


Please take a moment to examine the figure above and note the distribution of David Stapleses in the US. Pay particular attention to how few there are in the North. Do you want our David Staples to pack his stuff and migrate down to the David Staples Mecca that is Florida? Do they deserve a 20th David Staples?

No. Screw Florida.

Fact #3: David Staples is 75 feet tall and has a functioning AM-RAM missile battery at the ready 24/7


Please take a moment to examine the figure above. You wouldn’t want his laser guided tracking system locking on to your abode or work because he got mad do you? Do you know how long it took us to draw that? Like 20 minutes. Now THAT is a waste of your time. But Staples reporting that there is a possibility Jagr signs Chez Oil isn’t. Ease up.


  • I'm a Scientist!

    Here here Wanye!

    Ever since some uttered the words Edmonton Oilers online, there has been a thirst to gather rumours. A thirst to feel that you are closer to the team than what you'll get from the dailies, TV and radio.

    Yesterday David Staples quenched our thirst. He didn't pass it off as news nor made any guarantees. He presented it in a way so the average Grade 6 student could comprehend that he was simply sharing something he heard and considered came from a reliable source.

    Sadly a Grade 6 reading comprehension level is not required to start a browser; though when I rule the world….

    Would all the naysayers here and on Staples' blog comments prefer he just kept it to himself and a select group of trusted souls he emailed privately?

    Let's face it, most of us would pay big bucks to see Brownlee's Inbox around trade deadline day!

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Hey, man, thanks! Much appreciated.

    But really, I've been OK with all the fussing, especially any carping from the MSM guys, even my old buddy Spec calling me a "half-ass blogger" on national radio.

    At least he didn't say I report from my mom's basement.

    The fact is, when MSM guys get beat on a story, even a report of a hot rumour, their shorts get in a knot and all they want to do is crush the guy that scooped them and discredit the story.

    How do I know this? Because I've been that MSM guy myself at times.

    We are a spiteful, petty bunch, eh.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    @ David Staples:
    David, I've *always* thought of you as a half-assed blogger, but definitely a several-assed reporter. 😛

    Thanks for always giving the Nation shoutouts, especially when we needed it most: at the beginning.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Wanye Gretz wrote:

    What am I wearing in this rescue fantasy of yours? It sounds intense *wiggles eyebrows in a suggestive fashion*

    Sweatpants. What else?!

  • I'm a Scientist!

    David's a great guy, no knock on him.

    BUT!!!!! More erroneous reporting on ON. Contrary to what you might think, The Journal doesn't get all the traffic you might think.

    I know this to be a fact.