Is there an issue Papa?

No, no, no. It wasn’t supposed to go like this at all. There was a coaching change. Penner was on fire and Comrie got tricked into playing here by Kay-Z for a kazoo and a shiny bag of tokens to Galaxyland. Now we are trapped in a City on the verge of being torn apart by H1N1 infected zombies and the Oil are minutes from being declared “crappy” by all except our precious last few folk to depart the bandwagon each year. Oh, and winter can’t be more than 11 minutes away if it hasn’t already arrived since we last looked out the window.

Nothing left to do but throw up a gang sign, take a picture of ourselves and throw it up on the Nation for all to see how much this season is affecting our current state of mind.

Let’s Recap

Thursday: Check.

Poker: Check.

Oilers Game: Check.

Beer of choice: Old Vienna.

Crushed: Check.

Winner of Poker: Wanye.

Second place/First Loser: Young Cheezy.

Half of the room no longer giving a crap about the Oilers: Check.

Uh oh.

We can’t quite put our finger on it right now, but something seems wrong with the Edmonton Oilers Ice Hockey Squadron/League of Quasi-Ordinary Gentlemen. Wasn’t it a few short weeks ago everything looked splendid? How has the team fallen so far so fast to the point that one guy at poker was heard to remark “if the Oil are going to be this crappy maybe we should turn down the game and turn up some poker music.”

This type of talk is just emotional nonsensery in our mind, so we turned to the Department of Science at Wanye Enterprises and asked for a quick recap of the season to date, using empirical evidence and the like. The boys in the lab came up with this:

The fact that the last 11 straight games have been on PPV may actually be a blessing for the Oilers, who can hope that a great many of their fans are too weakened by this raging swine flu pandemic/epidemic to have been able to activate their Shaw on Demand devices. In this state of near transmogriphication into H1N1 Zombies, perhaps a great swath of the OilersNation hasn’t had to bear witness to this unexplicably shitanusly© terrible team.

What is the deal here exactly? Is this illness related? We put it to the newly reborn Nation Poll and 46% of us think that the teams woes stem from illness not hockey skillery. As sick as the team is, thank the Gods of hockey the Oil weren’t immunized against anything, or at the very least Kay-Z had everyone report to a clinic located 12 miles underground where they were either given the least effective flu shots in the history of medical science or this illness is the side effect of a super syrum that will lead to exponential muscle growth over the next 3 months.

Either way, we have that little panicky feeling in the pit of our stomach already. It’s way too early for that emotion to be rearing it’s ugly head.


No matter what nice things are being said about bygones being bygones, boys being boys, head injuries being head injuries, Iginla’s hit on Souray being accidental and Big Sexy not looking for revenge you can forget about it. We had an interesting chat yesterday with one of our 3.4 actual sources that know anything and this is a transcript of how we remember the conversation going down:

Wanye: How is Souray feeling?

Source Dude: Not bad, I guess it sorta comes and goes at times but overall he is feeling better.

Wanye: That blows. He took a pretty nasty hit.

Source Dude: Yep and he is chomping at the bit to beat the shit out of Iginla when they meet up.

Wanye: Really? I thought I heard that he wasn’t pissed about it/that it was an accident or something.

Source Dude: Let me tell you something “Wanye.” Souray is probably one of three people in the NHL I am afraid of. He has absolutely no mercy and won’t let someone put him out for weeks on end without revenge. It might not happen his first game back against Calgary, but at some point in the near future you can count on those two fighting and Souray is going to man handle him.

Wanye: Do you think you could get him to sign my face so I could turn it into a tattoo?

Source Dude: I don’t know why I even answer your calls sometimes.

*awkward silence*

So at a time in the season where there doesn’t seem to be much to get excited about, we can at least look forward to Big Sexy’s return to the lineup and a 5 alarm beat down in the future for one Jarome Iginla.

Other than that though….UGH

  • Ross C

    Iginla will develop a mysterious illness which causes him to sit out every Battle of Alberta for the duration of Souray's contract. I hear it's a side effect from the H1N1 shot.

    • Well thank you Ogden Brother. I must say that comment from you has made my day. And not in the Dirty Harry "Go ahead, make my day" kind of way either – the good kind.

      *Goes back to preparing for the Zombie Seige by loading panic room with supplies and ammo*

  • Harlie

    Wanye, I'm sure Souray would be more than happy to rag doll ya and then one punch you so hard that your lips and your balloon knot simultaneously turn black and last that way forever. How's that for a tat? A rat a tat tat I never hesitate to put a …..

  • I think it was around this time last season when we were organizing a rally to get Souray into the all star game. Flash forward to 09 & we are eagerly awaiting a beatdown of monumental proportions!

    At least us oiler fans have 1 thing to look forward this year…December 31 game in Calgary. Welcome to 2010 Jarome.

    • Ender

      Why do I have to be That Guy?

      Let's assume for the sake of argument that Souray really has developed a private grudge against Iggy. He may go looking for a piece of Captain Calgary, but if he does I don't know if I'm laying any large wagers on the outcome. The official stats have Iggy giving up an inch and 13 pounds to Moreau, and I think we all saw how their last fight went down (and no, Moreau doesn't fare much better in that one even if he works on standing upright on skates). Iggy is also nineteen shades of durable and tough as nails; anyone remember the last time Iggy missed a game because of a fight? I'm not a Flamer so I wouldn't bet the house on it, but I notice that Iggy has played 82 games 3 out of the last 4 seasons. Anyone remember how Souray's last fight with Byron Ritchie went? Mmmmm . . . I think I vaguely recall that.

      Souray, you don't have to like it. You're not paid to like it. But you need to suck it up, let it go, and look for your next slapshot instead of your next headshot. Souray on the shelf for another month due to injury/suspension is just what the Oilers do not need.

      • Jason Gregor

        You point out the one fight where Souray gets hurt as the basis to your argument, and how Iginla flipped Moreau around and never hit him as the other?

        Why didn't you use the Beauchemin v. Iginla example, when Iggy lost or the Souray v. Weller where Souray crushed him.

        Picking one fight out is asinine and completely not a true refection of either fighter. I will tell you that Souray is a better fighter consistently than Iginla.

        That doesn't mean Souray would automatically crush him, but the odds, albeit slim, would be in Souray's favour.

        • Ender

          Valid argument regarding sample size and examples used. Still, note that I didn't catagorically state that Iginla would win such a fight. I didn't state that for the simple reason that I don't know. I'm just saying that Wanye's statement that "Souray is going to man handle him" is far from a given; it could well go the other way, and how craptacular would that be?

          On top of that, a fight driven by personal vendetta stands to lose the Oilers much in the case of an injury/suspension and stands to gain them little if anything in the case of a clean win. This is about Souray, not the team, and that's selfish. If Big Sexy pulls out the win, the Oilers get . . . what again? Bragging rights? The players from the other 28 teams are going to play the Oilers more tentatively from then on because of a fight? The potential risk does not match the reward.

          Fights happen all the time in the NHL and one more isn't likely to matter much one way or the other. If Souray does feel like he has to defend his manhood or something though, he better be damn sure that he does it clean (extend the challenge and have it accepted) and that he doesn't get hurt in an unnecessary activity that is about him and not his team.

          • Jason Gregor

            SOuray will do it at the appropriate time if he feels it is necessary. And Souray gets lots of space on the ice because of how he plays, if he does decide to dance with Iginla at some point I wouldn't be surprised, and I doubt Iginla would be either.

  • Drinking the Old Vagina, eh? I didn't know you could get that outside of SK.

    Is it time for the team to get a bag skate?

    I really hope Souray beats on Iggy on New's Eve. That would be awesome!

    Boy, I have no productivity today. Am I performing like the Oil last night or is it the tonic in RX1 beer?

    • I can remember Grandpa Wanye having an OV mirror in the bar in his basement. When I see a bottle of OV I always think of him and the time I snuck downstairs around age 8, took a gigantic sip of rum out of a bottle and immediately threw up in his sink.

      Ah sweet memories…

      • Harlie

        when i was younger my Uncle who was a bartender gave me a couple of bags of old school empty booze bottles and there was a bunch of empty mini tester bottles too. I used to like to take the caps off and smell each of the different bottles and I thought that the warm caramelly like smell of most of the bottles is what the liquid would actually taste like if I had a chance. Well, one day I went into the Rent's liquor cabinet and tried a sip of my favorite looking brown bottle (Canadian Club). Well it didn't taste anything like what the mini-tester smelled like and I was running around the house with a mouth full of puke mixed with CC trying to find a toilet or sink to spit it into as Mom and Dad woulda skinned me alive if I upchucked right then and there on or near the liquor cabinet.

        Ah sweet memories…

  • Just for the record, if the flu and injury are the reasons this team is so middling, then what do you say to Woodguy's reasoning over at Lowetide?

    Colorado has lost more man games to injury than the Oilers.

    Vancouver more key players on the shelf than the Oilers.

    Both these teams continue to win.

    • Oilers are a benefactor of the schedule today, with every team below them, having game(s) in hand, translating this into an overdraft position. The debacle fall of monumental
      proportions is a certain as winter, as the next two road trips decides their season.

      Too Bad – So Sad.

    • Horcsky

      By key players does this mean better players or of more value to the team? I'd agree that Luongo is a marquee player, whereas Horcoff is not, but given the role he plays and irreplacable minutes he logs in all situations I'd rather have our backup in the nets for the next two weeks and either Souray or Horc back on the ice.

    • Horcsky

      Probably because they have actual depth in their organization, not like us. We think we have depth, but we don't. Our bottom forwards are just on the edge of being good enough to play in the NHL, which is fine as long as no one gets hurt. As soon as we have to plug someone in for an injury, we see that our healthy scratches that we carry with us in fact are not good enough to play in the NHL. No forward on the farm team has developed enough to be a legit callup, so we might as well not even have one (for this year, cuz it will be of no benefit).

      Also, the players we thought had learned and improved last year have regressed significantly and now are not playing like legit NHL d-men (like Gilbert and Grebs).

    • My answer would be:

      SMac, Moreau, Pisani, Brule, Peckham

      Lack of depth is our achilles heel. Which of the guys above would be playing on a regular NHL team the way they're performing right now?

      • HansBaurMesserschmittWatson

        lack of depth ?

        i see you have pechkam and chorney there. one of them would have been ok, but both ? we had three staring d-men out of the line up at once. how much depth do you want ? do you think any team in the nhl preps for 3 starting d-men being out at once ? on top of that you dont want them to slip up, or play at the skill level they are at ? there is a reason chorney and pechkam started the season in the ahl, and why strudwick was the 7th.

        moreau and pisani is just bad management decisions. they were a handi-cap for quinn to begin with.

        and smac, come on ? whats so bad with him overseeing things from the top ? he is a good insurance policy for a man who clearly understands his role.

        • If we use Detroit as the standard to which the Oilers aspire (as has been postulated), Chorney, Peckham and Brule would still be in the AHL. Moreau and Pisani would have been retired or traded. In their place – maybe one super top-notch, sure fire prospect who earned his way onto the team and bonafide NHL'ers picked up as UFA's.

          The original post questioned why Vancouver and Calgary can have injuries and win while we go in the tank. The answer I believe is that neither of those teams are running in nearly as many juniors, nor do either of them keep useless or past-prime players on their rosters (with stupid gift contracts).

          My guess is Moreau and Pisani are still on the roster because that's what management wants. Quinn and Renney are one of the best coaching tandems in the league. No way they keep guys like that unless they have to.

          • BarryS

            It's pretty common knowledge that Detroit's been developing players better than most teams in the league…for a while. This is a seemingly new concept for the Oil, which they're now rectifying (actually having an AHL franchise helps). Not going to happen overnight – it didn't for Detroit.

            You think Detroit would have traded Moreau or Pisani? Who's the last Oiler captain to retire as an Oiler? I'd have to think that sends a message to other players as to how they're going to be treated once they're here. Detroit tends to let those types of guys retire on their own terms, so I don't think your argument's valid there. Problem is their guys have just been better.

            Vancouver's top 6 D are pretty experienced…so if their top 3 went down, there are actual NHLers to fill the gap. We're definitely not as deep on D as we thought…

  • Ron Bergundy

    I watched last nights game in disgust.

    Especially after Comrie's goal, when the team was starting to play inspired hockey for the first time in weeks, and our "captain" takes a bone-headed penalty to crush our momentum.

    When is Quinn's "keeping players accountable" going to be directed towards Moreau?? He plays hard but not smart and his leadership abilities are sub par to Petr Klima's.

    • good point.

      I can't help but notice (compared to last year):
      new coaching, new system, few new young guys full of energy (finishing checks, what a pleasure to watch), new Penner, new start (wow, is that how the Oilers are gonna look like – way to go Queen), yet, after 7-8 games back to same old habits.

      Now, what is the only thing that didn't change compared to last year?

      Hm, could it be VETERAN LEADERSHIP???

      (can't help but notice Adam Foot being the only guy without a goal, but with a 'C' and all the 18 year olds running circles around him (on and off ice…))

    • blu

      We talk so often about the intangibles, emotion, leadership and blah blah blah.

      I agree. They are important.

      I also believe strongly in leadership by example, and we have a team playing to prove that, sadly.

      Also, while Chopper hops over the boards, skates frantically to throw a hit, grabs the puck, and dashes down the boards to fire a lame shot from pretty much nowhere, then goes looking for somebody to slash – why hasn't Nilsson had to pick his ass up off the dressing room floor and then picked his game up?

      He plays with energy and passion. And it rubs off on exactly nobody?

      It's a confusing situation.

      Apparently Quinn benched Nils. How do you folks seeing that situation playing out? Quinn has proven before that he can get high quality play out of young players, and that has me hopeful at least.

      • BarryS

        Blu Wrote:

        Apparently Quinn benched Nils. How do you folks seeing that situation playing out? Quinn has proven before that he can get high quality play out of young players, and that has me hopeful at least.

        Unfortunately the word desire seems not to be in Nils vocabulary. Neither is seems is self discipline. Nor emotional involvement. Haven't seen much work ethic either. Nilsson is said to have talent and skill but quite clearly not the desire, self-discipline, or desire to use it. It's quite clear he is some sort of head case and needs to be gone.

        • Pajamah

          Halloween costume video on the oilers official website

          "My costume was a pirate, supposed to be Johnny Depp, didn't look very good…..lack of motivation I guess"

          – Robert Nillson

          Sums up his whole damn career, no?

  • @ Wayne

    Wish you would have clapped once and cured h1n1 before I took a cricket bat to my neighbor who had the sniffles. Remember people, a strong blow to the head is what it takes if they're coming for your brains. And lock your doors.

  • HansBaurMesserschmittWatson

    there is no SourceDude
    dont make sh it up

    karma is a biatch

    when the team was trying last year penner wasnt, penner is trying now team isnt.

    is there any other captains in the league playing on the forth line ?

    why is our fastest player on the forth line and never on the power play ?

  • HansBaurMesserschmittWatson

    all over the media outlets near and abroad, everyone is prasising his play and saying how he is proving his critics wrong.

    i dont recall at all last year via news paper, tv or net any reporter or anyone standing up for penner and trying to put some blame on mact.

    now that mact has said he was in the wrong, everyne is pulling their lube out and screaming penners name.

    • Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things

      I don't regret getting on the Penner train. He was playing poorly last year, and people called him on it. He's playing well this year, and people are applauding him. I think that's entirely appropriate. It's actually refreshing to know that when we pay a player for the potential they show, they might actually live up to it.

    • 1. There were PLENTY of us that thought MacT was more in the wrong than Penner last year. I'm not sure which newspapers, TV channels or websites you read because clearly you missed that.

      2.So it's wrong for people to be disappointed with him when he's playing like crap, and cheer for him when he's playing awesome? I guess you're only allowed to have one opinion and then never change your mind.

      Hey anyone know where Craig Wark is? I'd really love to get his opinion on the matter.

      • HansBaurMesserschmittWatson

        please give me a few, actually i'll settle for one example of who and where there was a story of defending penner and laying blame on macT.

        no, its not wrong for anyone to have a change of mind or opinion.

        the number one thing wrong with this team is the enviroment and the energy it plays in.

  • Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things

    Further to that, I find it ridiculous that people are saying that Penner is 'proving people wrong' by his excellent play. If I said he was a lazy pile last year, I would be 100% correct.

  • HansBaurMesserschmittWatson

    Back in the day, a few chosen players from the local hockey team in Prince Albert got to work at the Molsons brewery, formerly the Sicks Bohemian brewery.
    Fun we had; OMG!
    It was like a giant frat party on 4 floors.
    Loved that place.
    The brewery that is, PA… not so much.

    Little known fact, Molsons developed a product called boh light, it won awards etc. but was never mass produced, instead they decided to purchase beaver lumber and watch their beer market share erode to its current levels of lousy.
    Hopeless company that Molsons, absolutely freaking hopeless, hire hockey players to work in a brewery, what were they thinking?

    Boh is tasty but I find that a pair of depends is a worthy inclusion in the pack for the next day.

  • Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things

    The collective play of the rest of the team does not change the fact that Penner's performance last year was lacking. Last year he was a lazy pile. That part is not open to discussion.

    • HansBaurMesserschmittWatson

      ha! thats the foam checkers job to catch those. probably automated now.

      Imagine watching 8 hours of bottles go by and the ones with dense foam got visually checked and dumped if junk was in them. Nasty, nasty stuff in some of those.

      I can verify that its difficult to sleep sitting in that chair, but it can be done.

    • Dyckster

      Yup, leave it to some guys to take a perfectly good blog on a hockey blog sight and talk about hockey. Like…WTF? Where's the fun in that? Willis and Brownlee are suppose to spawn the serious stuff! NOT Wanye.

  • I guess Ken King has to find jobs for "2" former and still nameless alberta health people. And even more shocking he had no comment… Ken King passing on the opportunity to share his colossal brilliance with the world, how very odd.
    Very odd indeed.

  • I see that my photograph somehow found it's way into Google Images where you proceed to steal my identity for the amusement of Oilers Nation. No matter, I put my head to the floor and slam it very hard in honor of being able to say that Kay-Z wants to romp around in my image.