2014 STAR SELECTION

9 years ago

Yesterday we collectively looked into the abyss and decided who our Goats were going to be for the 2014-15 season. It’s a grim experience deciding who is going to be the fall guy for the inevitable woes in the season ahead. Should you make a mistake and name someone who has a good season your Goat? Yikes.

Fortunately today we get to pick our Star. Rarely do you make any mistakes involving Stars – excluding this unfortunate gal of course.

PICKING THE STAR

Picking the Goat gives you someone at whom you can vent your eternal Oilers related rage. The Star is quite the opposite. The Star is someone to pin your very hopes and dreams to. His greatness is often the single ray of sunshine in an otherwise interminably cloudy season of ice hockey (see: Oilers, 2007 to present)

There was some suggestions around the Nation HQ that I should go with a different player this year. “I think you should name Eberle your eternal star, then pick another player” came one suggestion. “I agree Wanye,” said another, “spread the love around and pick someone new.”

JORDAN EBERLE FOREVER

What the hell is going on with you people? Did we just meet? Did you forget who you are talking to? I am not allowed within 150 feet of Regina because of my love of Jordan Eberle. When I log in to shop.nhl.com a special box pops up that says “Welcome Wanye, click here for only Eberle crap” because of my love of Jordan Eberle.

I am banned from downloading MS-Paint, demanding gap tooth enhancement surgery from any more Edmonton dentists and have made a formal application to the Government of Canada to change my name to 14 because of my love of Jordan Eberle.

As long as I am drawing air in my lungs and my lump of coal for a heart pumps blood there is only one star:

Jordan Eberle.

LOOKING BACK

Allow me to quote myself back in 2010 on Star Picking Day:

Picking Jordan Eberle – a 20 year old rookie who hasn’t played a single game in the NHL – might seem like a bad idea. But on a team with more teenagers than a Justin Bieber concert, going with youth is probably the best move. We feel it is extraordinarily important that everyone understand that Jordan Eberle is going to be our boy. He’s ours dammit. Go get your own Jordan Eberle. This one is all ours!

It’s like being friends with Nostradamus isn’t it? I’ve been singing the Eberle song since day one. I ain’t changing my tune now – no way no how.

LETS GET SERIOUS FOR A MOMENT

All hyperbole, jokes and elective surgery plans aside let’s take a look at why Jordan Eberle is the best. Since being drafted in 2008 all Jordan Eberle has done is be a shining example of all that you could ask for in an Edmonton Oiler. It has been a true pleasure and the highlight of the last 6 years of Oilers hockey watching 14 play 275 games in the NHL and put up a tremendous 221 points in the process.

In an era where athletes are selfish buggers who could often give a tinkers cuss about their community, teammates and team itself – ol’ 14 has gone about establishing himself in the NHL as a legitimate star, a gentleman in the community and ostensibly a demon in the sack.

Unlike others on the roster we have never heard a single negative word about 14 from anyone who has come within 100 miles of the guy. Teammates, media, fans and random citizens of Edmonton alike have nothing but glowing reports about Eberle’s character and his on ice performance speaks for itself.

There are no issues with him from top to bottom. He is now easily the best all around Oiler since Ryan Smyth gloriously retired with the C on his chest where it belonged.

JORDAN WITH KIDS

Let’s take pause and look at some pictures of Jordan with some children shall we?

Yes. Look at him here taking a moment to pose with a tot. He hasn’t even finished his coffee!

Even tiny fans of the Red Sox know a Superstar when they see one. What a guy.

JORDAN IN COSTUME

Remember when he went to Vegas with the Nuge for the NHL awards and dressed up in the Cirque du Soleil costume???? I have never been more thankful for the invention of full body lycra suits than I was that day, I’ll tell you what.

Guess who?! This costume and fake moustache do little to conceal the juggernaut within. I pick Jordan Leslie Eberle for the Halloween win.

IN CLOSING

We have had a scare this offseason haven’t we Jordan? People were suggesting you were on the chopping block and could be potentially traded. We kept getting texts and tweets from dark souls saying “your boy is gonna get traded you know.” Many a shudder went down my spine.

But thankfully that wasn’t the case and now we can get back to the business at hand – you kicking ass and me taking names.

Until you retire and we open that Detective Agency in Papua New Guinea that we are always talking about, I am going to cheer mightily for you each and every night Sir.

Good luck in the season ahead. You are a Champion of the highest order and I salute you.