First Star, Worst Star: November 22, 2015

Chris The Intern once told me that the fastest way to someone’s heart is through customized M&Ms with their names monogrammed on them. Unfortunately those take 6 to 8 weeks to be delivered, so you guys will just have to wait. But for now here’s this weeks edition of First Star, Worst Star.

There’s been a lot of conversation lately about how to increase scoring in the NHL. From decreasing the size of goalie equipment to playing with multiple pucks at the same time, everyone seems to have their own idea on what will or will not work. As it turns out the real answer was under our noses the entire time. JUST USE MAGIC!

Not only does Dmitry Orlov conjure a puck out of thin air, he also manages to freeze every other player on the ice at the same time! It’s a feat Harry Potter would be proud of, and as far as I’m concerned it’s only a matter of time before GMs put a big emphasis on what kind of black magic skills a player has. Your move goalies! 

I’ve just been informed that the goalies have already made their move!

There’s a traditional Finnish saying that roughly translates to “When faced with adversity, strike it in the face with your stick.” First they convinced everyone they needed to wear equipment five times bigger than necessary. Now they’re viciously attacking forwards with reckless abandon. When will it end goalies? Does someone have to die? WHAT HAPPENS IF OUR CHILDREN START DOING THIS TO EACH OTHER GOALIES? I, for one, hope we can reach a peaceful understanding with our goalie overlords and no drastic measures need to be taken to reach a resolution. May god have mercy on us all. 

This week the boys take a look at reducing the size of goalie equipment, which chip flavour is the best, and what Chris the Intern has learned in his time as the OilersNation intern. 

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