Hell-Lay

Hollywood is fun. It’s fun if you define fun as “being accosted by lunatics selling CDs, DVDs, STDs and adjustable rate mortgages.” We bought a CD from some pushy rapper on the street in front of the Kodak theatre. This dude assured us he was the next Jay-Z and we should “cop his joint.”

Having listened to the disc of “Black Nate Debiase” in the OilersNation BangVan™ we can assure Beyoncé she has chosen the right guy. If you like crap, check him out online at myspace.com/debiasemusicpage. Enjoy (?).

Then we went to Beverly Hills, determined to awkwardly approach celebrities and ask them “Do you think anyone will care if you die in five years?” There are some cool cribs here, no doubt. There are also high maintenance, high-priced hos in high-gloss vehicles. A space shuttle looks like less maintenance than some of these dames driving around at two in the afternoon.

Rodeo Drive is about two blocks long. No joke. It’s so fancy they have chandeliers on the lamp posts in the street.

“Oh Wanye, they ain’t got no chandeliers on no lamp posts in no Beverly Hills.” Oh really? Peep this:

Not to sound like a pompous Calgarian, but we left Beverly Hills at 3pm for a Ducks game that started at 7pm. The sexy voice on the GPS said “estimated time of arrival to Honda Centre: one hour.”

Well it’s two and a half hours later and we remain parked on the I-5, which is basically the Yellowhead Freeway but 100 times as long. Plus you can’t look anyone in the eye for fear of being capped. Basically you need a helicopter to get around down here between the hours of 7am and 11pm.

Yeah, Lauren Pronger, we see how you could be happier down here.

The Oil are now 0–2 when jeanshortsandbaggedmilk and the Notorious W.A.N.Y.E team up and chirp other cities prior to the game. Smarter people might stop making enemies all over Hell’s half acre. The three of us are going to re-up our efforts and find enemy blogs all over the league.

Hopefully sooner or later the Oil back us up with a W.

Enjoy your win, Leafs fans. You can watch the Oil during the playoffs on CBC if you like playoff hockey.