Ignoring the loss and a Phantom Menace
By Wanye
15 years ago
We aren’t even going to comment on the game.
Game? What game? Did the Oilers play last night? Surely they didn’t because not a single Oiler had any points in our draft. No points = no goals. No goals = no game.
Because we all know the 4–0 Oilers wouldn’t get shutout by the Hawks would they? No way. Better to leave it in the past and focus on the game tonight. Oh and maybe get a quick quote from Craig MacTavish if there is one available.
“I felt like a one legged man in an ass-kicking contest tonight” —MacT
Makes sense. Thanks to the Towel Boy for the tremendous picture of Billy Grebeshkov too by the way. That guy is 12 kids of crappy. (Grebs, not the Towel Boy.)
Big game tonight though, lambs. Believe that!
Old news is still news
What was the deal with all that chatter about Toronto getting a second NHL team this week? Let me get this straight, some rock star decided they would casually suggest to the media that Toronto get a second NHL team and then the fun started. Is that right?
If you want to get a Toronto media type to reach the heights of ecstasy—mention the Leafs. You want to make them hyperventilate with excitidity? Suggest there could be TWO Leafs—if you follow our meaning. SQUEEE!
Ugh.
Within hours this stupid phantom team has become the second most covered hockey team in Canada:
- TSN’s Bob Mackenzie has already proclaimed this new Toronto team a lock to make the playoffs.
- CBC’s Bob Cole has already yammered through a Canucks powerplay talking about how “He can’t remember when the new Toronto team looked better.”
- The phantom team already has a better first line than the Leafs, though they can’t find anyone on Earth older than Fletcher who can still speak in complete sentences to be GM.
The owners of the Leafs are apparently not opposed to this idea. Presumably they are going to allow this expansion to go through because they are going to insist the new TO team take their god-awful roster off their hands in lieu of an expansion draft.
It should be fun to watch a team build a marketing strategy around “We aren’t the Leafs. But we are in the NHL. So that’s good too, right?”
Bets to be placed ASAP at the following odds
8:1 Doug Gilmour will be somehow involved with the Phantom Leafs.
5:1 Mats Sundin will somehow abandon this Toronto team, as well.
4:1 The Phantom Leafs vs the Craptastic Leafs will be referred to as the Battle of Toronto or something equally clever.
4:3 Alan Bester will start between the pipes and will immediately have a better GAA than Toskala.
1:1 Fans all over the NHL will be forced to ask “Which one?” when they hear someone say “Damn Toronto sucks this year.”
Two teams in Toronto? Sure! We can point and laugh twice as hard.
—Wanye. Email. Do it. wanyegretz@gmail.com
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