Speaking Of… My Letter To Travis Hamonic

As many of you now know, Travis Hamonic has taken back his trade request from the Isles that he made months ago. First of all, I didn’t know there were takebacksie’s when it came to trade requests. Second of all, I think he is making a huge mistake. Here is a letter I wrote to Travis Hamonic on his decision. 

Dear Travis Hamonic,

Heartbroken – greif-stricken – dejected – glum.

Those are the words that describe my feelings this afternoon after you made your decision. In September, you raised all of Oil Country’s hopes by requesting a trade from the team that raised you. I really thought we would be able to take the reins over from the Islanders and turn you into an even bigger superstar. But today, well today you crushed us. You took our hearts, smashed them to the ground, and stomped on them like you would a cigarette butt. You made the wrong decision Travis Hamonic, and here is why: 

You may not know this Travis, but Edmonton is home to one of the world’s greatest tourist attractions. They are called the Talus Balls. The Talus Balls, or Talus Dome as some people call it, is a great contribution to our civic art collection that connects art and infrastructure. They mean so much to our city that the balls get vandalized every year because people just can’t keep their hands off them! Have you ever had your picture taken beside the Talus Balls Travis? Or felt the warmth on your face from the suns reflection off the balls? Doubtful. New York public art doesn’t come close to the Talus Balls. Rumour has it, next year’s team picture was going to be in front of the Talus Balls. I’m just sorry that you’ll never get to be a part of it. 

I’ve got two words for you Travis: Connor and McDavid. When you put the two words together, you unleash one of the fastest, skilled forwards to ever play the game. And he’s only 19. By staying with the Islanders, Travis, you will NEVER get to play with this once-in-a-lifetime player that is Connor McDavid. You won’t be a part of any of the records he will break, and any of the Stanley Cups the Oilers will win with him. Is a 29th place finish not good enough for you Travis? Are four first-overall draft picks not good enough, either? I see how it is — once your team makes it to the second round of the playoffs, all your feelings change. I get it. It’s all good. *whimpers*

If you don’t want to play for the Oilers, I’ll get over it. I just want you to know about all the fun things we could have done if you lived here. We could spend every second Saturday at the water park! They’ve got a zip-line now that I’ve never been on, and you could totally do it too! Don’t want to go to the water park? How about the millions of other things at West Ed! We can push the giant bat around in circles on 118th Ave too! The bat never fails you. Sick of the giant bat? We can share a Combo Box at Oodle Noodle! There are so many missed opportunities here in Edmonton that Long Island doesn’t have, and it could change your life for the better.

All I’m saying is that since you’ve taken back your trade request, I’m sure people won’t bat an eye if you re-take-it-back. Just think about it, and get back to me.

Your friend,

Chris

This week we recap the Nation draft lottery party, try to figure out why Oiler fans refuse to trade the first round pick, and play a game of 20 questions before being ATTACKED BY A WASP during another illuminating round of Ask The Idiots!