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Sunday Scaries: Derek Ryan, and Father’s Day Shenanigans

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Photo credit:© Perry Nelson-USA TODAY Sports
Kylie Salai
10 months ago
So for Scaries today, I’m in a silly, goofy mood.
I’m doing something similar to Monday Mailbag, where I will be having guests in the article.
If you are on Twitter, surely you know of Kennedy and probably Gina as well.
But to begin, we had a signing that many people were very happy about, myself included.
Derek Ryan was signed to a two-year extension at $900,000 per year.
He is reliable in our bottom six, and he’s a guy that you can just trust. As our very own BM says, “Derek Ryan gives you 10 – 12 minutes a night where you don’t have to worry about the guy”.  He signed a contract that took his cap hit down from 1.25 million to 900 thousand, clearing up a little cap for Holland to work with this off-season.
Rumours have been flying about the Oilers looking at Brett Pesce because apparently there is no team we love doing deals with than Carolina…
Regardless, he’s a big boy, that can play many minutes and is on the right side of our defence. Our right side is famously where fans would like to see improvements and well, I feel like this would do it.
Oh and also I will be throwing a party because the Oilers are not re-signing Devin Shore
Now, it’s time for some Father’s Day Festivities.
Kennedy and I have been talking about doing this for a while, and this just feels like a perfect time to introduce DILF Ratings. Normally DILF isn’t necessarily a dad, but based on their energy. Warren Foegle would be accepted as a DILF even though he doesn’t have any kids, but Kailer Yamamoto would not be, because he still is a kid.
Today because it is Father’s Day we are only including fathers in our ratings.

Our first, starting off strong, is Cody Ceci.

Kylie: 8/10 playoff performance did not impress me much, but it is what it is.
Kennedy: 6/10. Unfortunately, his defensive ability isn’t even to keep him at his sexy Ceci full status.
Gina: 9/10, must he be good at hockey? Is it not enough for him to be sexy?
Special Guest Tyler Yaremchuk: 7.5/10
Gina Commentary: For someone that literally gushed over Cody Ceci to me in Vegas, that’s rich.

Next up: Derek Ryan.

Kylie: I was going to be harsher and give him a 6/10, because he’s much more dad, and not DILF, however, his daughter’s name is August and that is a Taylor Swift reference so my final answer is 7/10.
Kennedy: 3/10, Yeah he can score goals but can he score in other ways no
Gina: 6/10, great contributions to the penalty kill and the team as a whole. A Good Family Man With A Lot Of Children so he’s definitely killing it in the dad department. Bonus points for being a corgi lover!! stan Bronxy Boy for clear skin.
Speaking of Ryans, let’s go to our next…

Ryan Nugent Hopkins:

Kylie: though not an official dad, he will be shortly (baby Nuge could end up being my birthday twin if he/she is born in late August by the way) 8/10 he’s still a baby, so I struggle to understand how he is having one himself.
Kennedy: 9.3/10, When we get girl dad nuge that is when he reaches full dad status CANT to wait to see him rocking some crisp new balances as he enters rogers place.
Gina: 93/10, I already know he’s going to be the best dad and give zach hyman a run for his money. I’m still manifesting 🕯️girl dad nuge🕯️
Baggedmilk: Nuge DILF rating? 12/10. Guy has been a stud since he was rocking the Cirque de Soleil tights in his rookie year and there’s no reason to think he’ll be stopping now. Think of it this way, who doesn’t want to see Nuge carrying his child around strapped to his chest? Adorable. Manly. Sexy.

Dad of the year and Official Oilers Storybook writer (because I decided he is), Zach Hyman:

Kylie: 10/10 no comment needed, he just has to be the best dad, right?
Kennedy: 8/10, He gives me tv sitcom dad vibes that will never make me relate to Matilda by Harry Styles
Gina: 10/10, annual recipient of the World’s Best Dad award.
Moving onto a newer Oilers DILF, and not only because they are expecting again, but he is new to the team…

Mattias Ekholm!

Kylie: 8/10 something about Mattias just goes crazy, probably the beard to be honest.
Kennedy: 9/10. GIRLS 👏 DONT 👏 WANT 👏FLOWERS👏 AND CHOCOLATE 👏  GIRLS 👏WANT 👏GUYS 👏WHO 👏GROW 👏EKHOLM 👏BEARDS
Gina: 7/10, the beard is equal parts fire and ick, but I would still let him hit me with his slap shot any day.

Stuart & Beau Skinner anyone?

Kylie: 10/10 Cutest child in the Oilers baby group. Maybe I’m giving Beau most of the credit but are you kidding? I got to interview Skinner shortly after they announced the Pregnancy and he was so excited to be a dad, and you could already see how happy this baby made him before he was even here. ADORABLE!!!!
Kennedy: 10/10. Stuart Skinner is built like a dad who knows how to stand in front of a BBQ with a “Daddio Of the Patio” apron.
Gina: 10/10 his baby is already his mini-me in the best way possible, can’t wait for Beau to grow a moustache.

Evander Kane:

Kylie: 8/10, Kiiya (my step sister) was onto something here- not my type but gotta give credit where credit is due.
Kennedy: 0/10.Icky.
Gina: 0/10 please don’t ask me to comment, I don’t like him.
Tough crowd… sorry EK91.

Brett Kulak:

Kylie: 8/10, 100% is the dad that says “I would rather you be honest with me than keep things from me because you think I’ll be angry about it.”
Kennedy: 6/10, I don’t worry about his efforts when he goes into the ice unlike SOME of our OTHER Defensemen.
Gina:8/10, reliable, always there when ya need him, definitely gives the best advice.

And Finally, Darnell Nurse:

Kylie: I just now found out that he is going to be having another baby??? as for the DILF rating, 5/10 I need to be impartial or I will never shut up about this, because I’m sure he’s a good dad, but I’m not a fan of his on-ice play so I cannot give him any higher of a ranking sorry bestie.
Kennedy: 1/10
[decline to comment]
Gina: I’m sure he’s a great dad, but 0/10 would fight him stone-cold sober in the middle of 104th Ave solely because of that god-awful contract.
And for a bonus, I asked on Twitter who is the Oiler that isn’t a father but should be an honourary DILF, and the response was unanimous so I present to you:
Leon Draisaitl.
Kylie: 10/10, Kennedy doesn’t call him ‘you hot bitch’ for no reason come on now.
Kennedy: 29/10, If I say what I actually want to say I fear the ON website will be flagged, so Leon you hot bitch. The day we can call Leon Dadsaitl is a day I can’t wait for
Gina: 9/10, would let him tuck me into bed any day, will become a 10 whenever he has a child.
Anyways, happy Father’s Day to all of our Oilers dads, and to all of our Nation’ Citizens that are fathers as well!! I hope you all have a great day!

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