This just in…

Rob Schremp does not suck. He doesn’t have horns, he is seemingly able to back check at will and not once did he refer to anyone’s anything as sloppy seconds. According to our calculations he is not the worst player in the NHL — as some curly haired coaches have led us to believe. Hell, Pouliot even scored playing on his line. Perhaps he can make miracles happen.

For the record we are surprised how loud the cries were getting from everyone to bring up Schremp. Generally maladjusted propsects with crappy attitudes get no love from the OilersNation. We think its a testament to the Shitanusly® bad play of the Oilers this year that he is coming in to such fanfare. If it means a win, you get the feeling we’d demand Craig Muni come out of retirement if he could be of any help. Of course he is busy in retirement running a watch cleaning business in Guelph called “Sloppy Seconds” and can’t be pulled away. It’s too bad.

As much as it killed us to leave our beloved JL meeting for an evening, we had to spin down to RX1 to run a few hockey beers through us. Our game attendance record has been spotty at best this year and we had to make up for lost time with our favourite beer vendor: All Of Them.

Don’t tell me there’s a better city to watch a game in. There were louder cheers during the Tom Thumb game at intermission than those reserved for goals in Anaheim. And Anaheim is an awesome zone to watch a game in, believe it or not. We would hate to witness a 1-0 pre-season game in Florida. Even our interest in the game would be tested — and we still occasionally play NHL95 on our Sega Genesis when the mood hits us.

Great Googly Moogly. What do you animals want from him? He’s sorry! He sent his publicist into the dressing room to make an apology on his behalf! His publicist! That’s what they are there for people. Publicistizing things that you think so that you don’t have to talk to anyone. What more can he do? Send a fax to a media outlet? Pen a kindly worded telegraph? Surely you don’t expect him to apologize in person. A Vogue man doesn’t stoop to such levels. How gauche.

“I don’t know if we can make the best possible team with Avery on the team.” — Coach Tippett

Oh please — if the Stars were a band they’d be Shitallica. Interestingly, because the Stars have no AHL team they can assign him anywhere they like — or so some talking head from TSN explained to us this morning.

Why don’t they send him wherever the hell Emery now calls home? They can sit at that Siberian Railtown collecting cheques from Russian mobsters, driving bullet proof Ladas and acting as badly as they please. Then one night, as they are celebrating a win in front of 1,300 fans they can look each other in the eye and know in their heart of hearts:

Douchebags eventually get what’s coming to them.