Top 10 Reasons Not To Trade Taylor Hall

7 years ago

It’s that time of year again, where rumours flock to the internet like the salmon of the Capistrano. Where Twitter is a desolate wasteland of pranksters retweeting years old tweets about free agent signings while waiting for actual hockey news. And where Oiler fans fall into a hole of madness in which trading any and all current players would automatically make the team better by virtue of… reasons.

One of the most frequent names floated around these parts lately is that of one Taylor Strba Hall. Whether he’s being traded for Cam Fowler, or packaged up in a deal to the Islanders, it seems a lot of people feel the Oilers would be better off without Taylor Hall. Well friends, I’m here to tell you why those of you who think that are DEAD wrong!

1. He Brings His Own Bags To The Grocery Store

Not only is this a smart move (you can fit way more in a canvas bag than a plastic one) but it also shows that Taylor Hall is environmentally conscious! (Who says there wasn’t a veteran in the room that rubbed off on the young guys?)

2. Buys Coffee For The People Behind Him In The Drive-thru

I mean, who DOESN’T love a nice surprise like this in the morning? Make sure you pay it forward!

3. Politely Engages In Conversation With Drunk Adult Son Bloggers At Bars

Not that anyone in this office would be speaking from experience here…

4. Gives Out Full Size Chocolate Bars On Halloween

The dream of EVERY kid on October 31st is fulfilled by good neighbour Taylor Hall!

5. Always Swipes Right On Tinder

We’re all looking for that special someone, and Taylor wants to give everyone a chance, lest he miss out on that person who makes his heart flutter.

6. Will Make You Breakfast In The Morning

Unrelated to that last point… A complete breakfast is an invaluable way to start your day, and Taylor just wants to make sure you’re fuelled up and ready to carpe that diem!

7. Will Find Your Missing Sock

Scientists have yet to verify it, but we ALL know sock monsters exist and are a huge bane to human existence. Thankfully Taylor is here to make sure none of your socks ever lose their buddy.

8. Remembers Your Birthday Without The Aide Of Facebook

As someone who has a blackhole for a memory I’m very appreciative that Taylor wished me a happy birthday, unprompted by a reminder from Mark Zuckerberg.

9. He Knows How To Play More Songs Than Just Wonderwall On The Guitar

We’ve all been there; someone at a party breaks out a guitar, and we all start screaming out that one verse we all know from Wonderwall. It’s fun until you realize that 15 minutes has gone by and you’re still singing the same song. Taylor has a plethora of hits he can bust out at any minute, AND he takes requests!

10. He Nursed Connor McDavid Back To Health

There were reservations when word got out that our young saviour was moving in with alleged bad apple Taylor Hall. Thankfully it appears everything not only worked out fine, but you also have to give credit to Hall for making sure Connor’s wing healed fully, and he was able to fly to astounding heights!