WAR GAMES: EDMONTON OILERS VS. NEW YORK RANGERS

In our continuing effort to bring you entertaining content in the time period that shall forever be known as “is it McDavid yet?” it is our pleasure to bring you another edition of War Games. In this episode, I play Glen Sather of the New York Rangers (similar in age) and Jonathan Willis takes on the role of Peter Chiarelli (both smart dressed men who have been photographed in Edmonton restaurants). Last episode went in all kinds of directions, let’s see how this one turns out.

Hypothetical Glen Sather, NY Rangers:Hi
Peter, I wanted to drop a line and say congrats on the Oilers job! I
enjoyed my time there very much, sure you will too. I’ve been thinking
about how I could
help you. I might be able to send you a defenseman—Dan Boyle or Dan
Girardi—depending on how things work out here in the playoffs. I won’t
be asking for much, that Lander kid and maybe a third rounder, that kind
of thing. If that works for you, call it in because
I’m probably heading out fishing depending on what happens in G7. PS, The Coliseum down the street makes a great steak for lunch. Hypothetical Peter Chiarelli, Edmonton: It’s
so nice to know that the spirit of giving isn’t totally dead among NHL
managers, and you know I think I’m going to take you up on your offer.
Dan Boyle’s the kind of guy we could use and you guys seem awfully tight
to the
cap so why don’t I cut you a deal. We’ll take Boyle’s contract off your
hands, and all we ask in exchange is that you take Nikita Nikitin in
trade – we’ll even retain $1.5 million. You get the bigger, younger,
cheaper defenceman and we get a guy who can mentor
our kids. What do you think? Hypothetical Glen Sather, NY Rangers: I don’t know who wrote this, but can you please pass my email on to Peter Chiarelli? thanks.Hypothetical Peter Chiarelli, Edmonton: I’m
sorry, I read ‘nothing much, that Lander kid’ and assumed we were
trading funny jokes, not hockey players. Let’s try again: Outside of the
$4.5 million it’s going to take off your books, what would you like for
one year of
Dan Boyle?
Hypothetical Glen Sather, NY Rangers: My
scouts tell me the Martin Marincin is good but he’s soft as Charmin.
I’m trying to do you a favor for Christ sakes! Is Mansion going to bolt
or is he signable?Hypothetical Peter Chiarelli, Edmonton: Oh,
I see the confusion. I have a rule: the team taking on the soon to be
39-year-old defenceman is the one granting the favour. Tell you what,
just because I’m feeling generous – and honestly, I don’t even know why
I’m doing
this – I’ll give you the No. 86 overall for Boyle. If that’s not
somewhere close to the range I don’t know that we’re going to be able to
make a trade involving him. Hypothetical Glen Sather, NY Rangers:  Done. Now let’s talk about Cam Talbot. Hypothetical Peter Chiarelli, Edmonton: What
would you say to the No. 57 pick there? I recognize that he’s a good
young goalie but there really aren’t that many teams out there looking
for help in net and I can’t imagine you get more than a second-round
pick in exchange. 
Hypothetical Glen Sather, NY Rangers: No.
57 is interesting, but I’m looking at adding some more immediate help. I
haven’t mentioned him before, but this Anton Lander fellow is
interesting. Hypothetical Peter Chiarelli, Edmonton: He
certainly is. 24 years old, kills penalties, screens the net on the
power play, scored at a 40-point pace this season and is better
defensively than offensively. All that and signed for a bargain basement
six-figure contract
for each of the next two seasons. Given the extreme value on that
contract, I rate him north of that second round pick I just offered you,
and given his position I think he has more value than Cam Talbot in a
1-for-1 trade. With
that said, I’m open to the possibility; it’s just that if we do it
we’ll need to back off the value of the pick for Boyle to equalize the
deal. 

Hypothetical Glen Sather, NY Rangers: God, this is taking longer than courting my wife! Okay, let’s get this done so I can go light my cigar! Rangers trade Dan Boyle and Cam Talbot to the Edmonton Oilers for Anton Lander and No. 117 overall. The next email better be ‘done’ Chiarelli! Hypothetical Peter Chiarelli, Edmonton: Almost!
I’m just in enough of a bind that I have to balance contracts in with
contracts out; I’m awfully close to the limit on my 50-man list as it
is. You take Travis Ewanyk off my hands in the same trade and we’ve got a
deal.

Hypothetical Glen Sather, NY Rangers: Do you get paid by the email, Chiarelli? FINE! We need defensemen for Hartford, anyway. Call it in, I’m off to the game!

Hypothetical Glen Sather, NY Rangers:Hypothetical Glen Sather, NY Rangers