Are You There Death? It’s Me, Amber

I’m used to being made a fool of. It’s second nature to me at this point. Normally it’s my own fault when I find myself in a situation of embarrassment and shame. I don’t have a social filter and have a tendency to say the most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times.

This time it’s different. This time I’m convinced that Dustin Penner is making a mockery of me with his donair douchebaggery. For two seasons I have supported him and loved him unconditionally. Each season, consistently, he’s let me down. This season I said to myself, "Self, enough. No more." Hence, Penner became my goat.

Sure as shit, Dustin Penner has once again fought back. It’s hurtful. Why couldn’t he have been this man when I loved him?

It’s much like my favourite made for TV movie, "I’m Not Leaving Without My Daughter Cause You’re Abusive And I Have A Brain Tumor. Also, Your Drinking Problem Is Tearing Us Apart”. I defended him, I made excuses for his behavior and the black eyes (I swear, I ran into a door). The day came when I finally left and began to put the pieces of my shattered life back together. It’s like when you break up with someone because you realize that you don’t want the same things. "I don"t want to get married. I don’t want kids," he says. Six months later you have the misfortune of running into him and his new, pregnant with twins, wife.

I know his performance bodes well for the team and we always promised we would do what was best for "the kids" but I’m still feeling a little scorned. Great performance or not, you’re still my goat.