The Capilano Rehab Injury Report: Welcome Newbies!

7 years ago

I would like to officially welcome two new Oilers to the injury report! Things in the injury-report-life over here started out a little slow surprisingly (in a good way) at the beginning of the season. We have now played 14 games and have picked up right where we left off at the end of last season. I am convinced that the Edmonton Oilers are dedicated at being the best at the competition within the competition, which is the total amount of injuries league-wide. Our two new injury report guests will not be staying for long (unlike the extremely greedy, previous six players who are very RUDELY overstaying their welcome here.

Zack Kassian

Everyone say hello to the Zack Kassian injury dummy! -*waves at dummy* – Zack Kassian was hurt against the Islanders on Saturday. The only difference between his injury and Puljujarvi’s temporary charlie horse (who also was injured Saturday), is that we have absolutely NO IDEA what is wrong with Zack Kassian, except that he has an LBI. What’s an LBI? Why it’s a lower body injury! See? We’re all learning something today.

Nobody knows how or what Zack injured on Saturday, all we know is that he’s day-to-day. Does Zack know about all the Pizza you get to eat when you’re not playing? Seems like a good enough reason to take a few days break to me. I mean, Jesse Puljujarvi sure took advantage of the injury benefits in the last couple days.

Who doesn’t like kicking a little za?- Jesse Puljujärvi going Ham on that Wheel #muckin #zaza #wheel #bardown pic.twitter.com/GUqKwrURWs
— BARDOWN® (@BardownHockey) November 9, 2016

Kris Russell

Thanks for signing with us this year Kris Russell. For you to get the FULL Oiler experience, you must spend some time in my injury report. EVERYONE else has done it, we all take turns. That’s the system you see?

It was announced Saturday morning that Russell will be missing the Islander game due to a lower body injury. Later he was placed on the IR, where he currently sits. Once again, not too much information has come out about Russell’s injury. We don’t even know HOW he got it. One thing’s for sure, If it was more serious, more people would be talking about it.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but in order to call up Taylor Beck, they would have had to place one of their injured players on the IR… I think. Why don’t YOU look it up in the CBA. What I’m saying, is that we shouldn’t be worried that he’s on the IR vs. being day-to-day. He could likely return a week from now from his mysterious injury.

Mark Fayne

Believe it or not, but NOTHING has changed in Mark Fayne’s mysterious lower body injury he got on our opening night. One thing I DO know is that it’s been 27 days since he’s been injured. That means for 27 days, Mark Fayne has spent his time rehabbing the lower half of his body, and watching Oiler games from the press box. Want to know what else can happen in 27 days? Here are some knowledge bombs for your brain today.

If I ate a Kuby dog every day for 27 days, there would have been a total of 27 Kuby dogs that have passed through my digestive system.
If I built two pieces of Ikea furniture every day for 27 days, but took every 7th day off, I could build 48 pieces of Ikea furniture.
If it was December and I was eating chocolate from an Advent Calendar, I would be out of chocolate on the 27th day! 🙁
If I drove 239 kilometres per day, at an average speed of 100km/hr. In 27 days I could reach Tapachula, Nicaragua. You know, for 2-3 hours of driving per day, it doesn’t seem all that bad

IIRO PAKARINEN

Iiro The Hero is still nursing his knee injury. He was the first Oiler to score a goal (preseason) in Rogers Place, and yet he still hasn’t played a regular season game. Word on the street is that he’s day-to-day right now, after initially being out for ‘weeks.’

Drake Caggiula

Drake Caggiula was the one who kicked off the injury report for the Oilers this season. *standing applause* He is still out with the hip injury he got in the Oilers preseason game against the Jets. Funny how at the beginning of October he was listed as day-to-day. His day-to-day status turned into week-to-week, and here we are now, a month later, still waiting patiently. My guess is that he’s a couple weeks from returning still. When he does return, Drake will likely spend some time in Bakersfield to get his conditioning up.

Matt Hendricks & Brandon Davidson

Although all of these players are dying to get back into the lineup I’m sure, I somehow feel the most sympathy for Matt Hendricks. Maybe it’s cause he’s one of my favourite players on the team, but Hendy seem’s to wear his competitiveness and emotions on his sleeve the most, so it makes me think about the anxiety that all these players are going through in the press box.

I have word from my special, Oilersnation source that both Matt Hendricks, and Brandon Davidson will be returning to the lineup within the next ten days. And by source, I mean it was written in the bathroom stall at the Pint downtown, BUT MARK MY WORD! Those bathroom stall rumours are hardly ever wrong!

Andrew Ference

Our ol’ ex-captain Andrew Ference is unofficially retired and will forever be in the injury report until his contract expires. He adds a veteran presence to the report that none of the other guys can offer! There’s not much to say about Andrew as I’ve literally been writing about him for over a year. You go Andrew.

For any of YOUR injury needs, please contact our good friends at Capilano Rehab Centre or call (780) 466-1104. ✌️

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