Since the whole of the Edmonton Oilers organization is living in an alternate universe wherein actions have no consequences and staffing decisions are made not with in-depth analysis but rather a firm handshake and a bullying story, I decided to put together a list of potential coaching options for the team.

These guys all have the winning pedigree of a certain (seemingly confirmed) candidate named Mike Babcock, as well as a strong, no-nonsense demeanour. Are these real candidates or even real people? Maybe! Are they all better than what may be incoming? I think so.

Let’s start with a perfect example of what this Oilers leadership group is looking for. He is firm and, at times, straight-up crazy and scary. He is a proven winner in this league as well as internationally. And his historically hard training camps would potentially finally cure this team’s slow-start-itis. Most recently, of course, he took the Vegas Golden Knights to the Cup final. There is absolutely zero chance Vegas would have any problem at all with the Oilers reaching out to him. That would be weird and petty if they did.

Why not?! He has the most wins all time as a head coach, his son is running the team, and he’s humming along strong at 92 years old. Most importantly, he didn’t have to go through a thorough investigation from the league and the player’s association — not that that really seems to matter to this organization. Nonetheless, Scotty could do some damage with this team!

Sutter’s name has been floated around over the past few weeks, and while it is a continued trip to the “coached a million games and won a bunch a long time ago,” well, he is definitely an option. Yeah, sure, he definitely treated some players poorly as he was on his way out in Calgary – Nazem Kadri and Jonathan Huberdeau to name a few – but that could have all been done in pre-service to the Oilers. Really crush a few franchise cornerstones to make the Battle of Alberta intensity disappear. This seems a little bit more on par with what the Oilers organization is looking for, real “Biff from Back to the Future” energy.

Again, reality doesn’t matter! It doesn’t matter if future players won’t come to Edmonton because of the current coaching approach, it doesn’t matter that the incumbent has not won anything since 2013, and it doesn’t matter that Samuel L. Jackson as Coach Carter is a basketball coach. Think about the respect he would instill in this team. Everyone calling him sir, getting their grades up before exams, Vasily Podkolzin stepping up to a post-game interview and reciting the lines from the famous Marianne Williamson poem, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” I mean, come on! Chills!

We all know the Father of Russian hockey. Three Olympic Golds for the Soviet Union in 64’, 68’ and ’72. He mastered the art of blending the skill and intense aggressiveness of the Russian players and arguably pushed the sport of hockey forward as much as anyone in the history of the sport. Passed in 1995, sure, rest his soul, but he is exactly what this team is searching for. Once again, it doesn’t seem to matter how bad or unrealistic the decision is, this management group is going to go for it, and boy howdy do you have to respect that!

In the end, we are all staring down the barrel of a year ahead that is wrought with drama and spotlight and speculation and checking in on players’ feelings. It is the type of distraction that this Oilers team should be trying to avoid as they try to achieve their goal that so many think they are destined for. A change-up was needed — I can get on board with that — but shifting towards someone who, at best, will spend the season questioning and changing the tactics and relationship management tools he has used throughout his career and, at worst, will not be changing them at all seems like a recipe for disaster. Godspeed, Mr. Babcock. We are all watching with little hope.

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